From the January Bulletin of St. Konan's Orthodox Church
February, 2008 (hey, everything's late)
Dear Parishioners,
The season of Theophany is upon us and I will once again be blessing your homes. This chance to visit with you and your families is always a great joy to me. In order to maintain this joyful spirit, I would like to make a few suggestions.
Please call the church office and arrange an appointment for me to come. We try to work out the schedule so that I visit homes in the same area on the afternoon and evening of the same day.
Please try not to call at the last minute. It's a long way from the homes of our southernmost parishioners to the homes of our nothernmost parishioners and it's hard to come to both areas on the same day, especially when there's snow on the ground. Many of you live in the convergence zone and see snow a lot more than those of us who live further south.
And please don't fail to call and then be offended because I didn't show up at your house. If you don't make an appointment I don't know you are expecting me. Please restrain any household pets who do not like intruders or who are inclined to sing along. Most beagles, for example, have difficulty with the first tone. I have tripped over at least one household pet during house blessings every year since my ordination, but last year's fracture really brought home the necessity for this request.
I will call you about an hour before I expect to arrive at your house. Please try to be properly clothed and have the TV and video games turned off. Don't wait for my arrival and expect me to lay down the law to your teenagers or your Uncle George. This is your home we're blessing, and not mine.
I will bring along words and music in English, Greek, Arabic, Slavonic and Slobbovian. Please sing along and encourage your family members to join in. I can't always find a cantor who is free to come along with me and we should all know these hymns anyway. This is music for Theophany, people!
Please have a bowl for the holy water and a candle. Any bowl will do, but this is a nice use for those lead crystal thingies we all got as wedding presents, or for smaller Paul Revere bowls. Use whatever you have.
I really appreciate your hospitality, but I visit a number of homes each day, and really can't eat a lot at each home. My grandfather, who was a priest in the old country, used to take along several of of his children just to eat the lavish spreads his parishioners laid out. I'd love to sit and have a cup of coffee or tea with you and your family, but my cholesterol and my blood pressure can't take all the food any more. Please don't be offended if I pass on the holiday goodies and please understand if I have to leave to get to someone else's home.
For those of you who are converts, newly-returned to the Church, or have a lot of contact with people from mostly-convert parishes, I have one word: chill. With the Theophany house blessing, as with almost everything else in the Orthodox Church, there are a number of correct ways to do things. Orthodox are not cookie-cutter people and the Orthodox Church is characterized by a certain freedom and fluidity. We have many, many local traditions for almost everything we do and "by the book" is probably the least correct way to try to do anything Orthodox. Relax! The house blessing should be a joyous occasion. I do not want anyone stressing over whether or not women should cover their heads for this, how the priest should be greeted at the door ("Hello, Father" will do nicely), or whether bathroom doors should be closed or ajar. Do what you feel comfortable with – you'll all do things a little differently and you'll all be correct.
I look forward to blessing your homes again this year.
Peace!
+Fr. Konan
This report was filed by Onion Dome deuce reporter Marie Moffit.
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